My Experience Of Getting My Wedding Dress Made
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I think the one does not exist. Not maybe what a bride should say, but I think there’s so much damn pressure on wedding dresses. How can any dress be the one?! Sure some outfits are better than others, and I absolutely loved wearing my wedding dress but if I got married in two years time, instead of last year, would I wear the same thing again?! Who knows.
Why I Wore White
Anyway, with that revelation out the way, let’s get stuck into the dress and the who, what, how and why. Also, not that you need my permission but I don’t think you have to wear a dress by the way, and I also don’t think it has to be white. You can wear whatever you goddamn well please and you really should, it’s your wedding day. I almost wore a blue dress, however decided against it as I have loved white lace dresses for as long as I can remember. I thought this was my day to wear the ultimate white lace dress, and maybe just maybe life would present other opportunities to wear a fabulous powder blue dress (6months later it has not but I hold out hope). What else did I nearly wear? A floral dress, of course. I’d seen this Zimmerman one and thought it would look beautiful, and actually still do, but unfortunately they don’t make my size and I never saw anything similar, or fabric I thought was as beautiful with which to get it made. I also have a white suit which I purchased when we thought we might get married legally at a registry office. At Aswarby Rectory where we got married, you can either get married on the day by a registrar, which is what we did in the end which makes it legal on the day, or you can get married before hand and on the day have a celebrant. We almost went with the latter, which would’ve meant it was nice excuse to have two outfits if I’d wanted, but in the end we decided to do everything in one place on the same day. I could’ve worn two outfits on the wedding day, changed into the suit later, but I knew that once I’d got a dress made I wouldn’t want to take it off. I didn’t even retouch my lipstick in the end, so I doubt I would’ve wanted to disappear upstairs for a full costume change. I hope this gives you a bit of the thought process of how I came to settle on a white dress, once you’ve narrowed that down at least you’re pitching in the right ball park.
Diet Culture
Jack and I got engaged four years before we actually got married and actually started the planning process then, we didn’t get a lot done but one thing I had started doing was looking at dresses. Originally I had wanted this Lover dress. I’d even called the boutique in Australia was just about to purchase my size and get it shipped, when we decided that whilst we were ready to be engaged, a wedding was actually a long way off financially. Four years later I loved that dress, but again they didn’t make my size. I am a size 16/18, so whilst I can go into shops and purchase off the rack most of the time a lot of higher end brands stop at a size 14 which is why I made the decision to get my dress made. I knew I didn’t want anything or anyone making me feel like I needed to loose weight for the wedding. I enjoy working out for my mental health, and I did do some moving before hand because planning a wedding does send you a bit wild. Whilst not for everyone, I found the best use of my time was immersing myself in an education about toxic diet culture, and body neutrality. It sounds dramatic but even at my thinnest I wanted to be thinner, I knew I’d be chasing a goal that was never going to make me happy. Also what the hell was Jack doing to prepare for the wedding? I assure you, absolutely nothing. In hindsight, after many of you messaging me to share your experiences, there are some wonderful bridal shops out there who won’t make you feel like dieting into a dress is your only option. If anyone makes you feel otherwise, walk away, you deserve better.
How to Find a Dress Maker
Now I knew I wanted a white lace dress, and I knew I wanted one made, but where the heck to start?! I followed a few people on Instagram that made dresses I loved, vintage inspired 70s dresses. I enquired about the process and price and knew that finding someone locally was going to work better. I ended up have four fittings plus the collection of my dress, with Jack working away, my job and June I knew that I couldn’t schedule in travelling for the fittings. This is when I remembered my mum helped two of her friends get outfits made for their weddings, and they were very unique and luckily both made by the same person, Caroline Chamberlain.
Caroline is wonderful, and super talented and I knew she had the skills to bring the dress to life based on the two outfits I had seen her make before. Recommendations are so important and so is how you feel on that initial meeting. On my first meeting, Caroline listened to my verbal diarrhoea, but also asked me questions and I left feeling like this was going to work out just fine (it was more than fine in the end), but if you leave feeling anything other maybe it’s not the right match. I knew that Caroline was going to listen to me, but also give her feedback on execution which was important. In short, I knew I could trust her.
Where to Look for Inspiration
Start collecting images of what you love, or at least elements that inspire you. Then sit on them, not quite literally, but you need time to see if you really love them or you were just particularly feeling yellow zebra print that day. You’ll start to see there’s a running theme, or even if you can’t, your dress maker might. Also spend some time in your wardrobe or looking at photos of when you felt great in something. See if there’s an element about a garment or outfit that you take through to your wedding dress. Alongside my inspiration board and I also took in to show Caroline a burgundy velvet dress to try and explain the neck / shoulder combo I loved. As I am sure you know by now, I have a certain dress style I love, and knew my wedding dress needed to have sleeves, and it was going to be a midi or maxi. Groundbreaking I know.
Look everywhere and anywhere, but definitely do look outside of Pinterest and Instagram. I have a file on my laptop called ‘Things I Like’ which I have had for years, I found the enormously helpful, Love My Dress is the best wedding blog around and I also found looking at vintage dresses on Etsy quite useful too. There does come a point where you have to stop though, and once you have decided upon your design you’ve got to keep your head down, stay in your lane and listen to your gut. The aforementioned Pinterest and IG can be great, but they can really can be distracting and make you irrationally question everything.
My inspiration board, from top l-r: Pretty Little Fawn’s wedding, Lover White Magik Dress, and one of my favourite weddings from Love My Dress: Jen & Cal (some of the images I cannot remember where I got them from, if you know a source please let me know and I will credit).
The Process & Fittings
After that initial meeting, I waited to receive the initial sketches and fabric options in the post, as soon as they arrived I loved them! However that pale blue velvet I had picked, was nagging at me (as I write this I can’t really imagine anything worse than a powder blue velvet dress, but I must’ve had a vision somewhere along the line). I think your gut is a real great thing when planning a wedding. Any choice I made, if it was nagging at me a few days later I knew I probably needed to give it some attention, and change course slightly. I emailed Caroline and said, I loved her sketches but wanted to change the fabric. I was dreading that email, Caroline emailed back and said ‘no problem’ - imagine that! I have a hard time asserting myself outside of work, but the wedding process definitely helped that.
After another mood board, I popped in to pick some more fabric and then next time we met it was to try the toile on. A toile is a mock up of a design made in a cheaper fabric, so that you can see if you want to make any dramatic changes. After trying the toile on, we changed the length to go with the heel height I thought I’d wear, added a higher neck and used the opportunity to try on veils on.
The second fitting was probably the most nerve inducing as it was the first time I’d see the dress in the fabric. Alterations could be made, but realistically we could start the whole process again. We decided in this fitting exactly where the sleeves would sit, and the pockets and also took the middle up to sit more as an empire line. We also decided against the ruffle on the hem and buttons up the back, as the original drawings were done with a different fabric in mind. There were a lot of alterations to be done on the dress after this fitting, which is to be expected, but it made it harder to visualise it all finished.
The third fitting was where I started to know I’d made all the right decisions. Whilst I trusted Caroline, and myself, I still spent time over analysing it and wondering if a pink polka dot dress was actually what I wanted. I think unfortunately that is part and parcel of being a bride, I know what I like and still doubted myself. But this fitting, the dress felt great, I made sure I spent some time in the dress at each fitting as after the initial impression wore off you could start to see what needed to be altered. In this fitting I knew the shoulders needed some attention to make them a bit puffier, the sleeves needed to be narrower and we also took A LOT of volume out the skirt. But all in all it was very close to being done.
Caroline also made June’s dress, which is a very similar shape to mine, but was made in a softer tulle fabric. She was able to play in it all day, for the ceremony June wore ballet shoes and the rest of day was spent in glittery wellies.
The last and final fitting was also the one where I picked it up, if everything was right. And of course it was. The dress was so easy to wear, which again was high up on my list. I wanted to pop that dress on and not think about it for the rest of the day. If I could have all my clothes made to measure for the rest of my life, I’d be one happy lady. When something is made for you it feels INCREDIBLE. Nothing digs, nothing pulls, nothing needs to be rearranged through the day, it’s a truly magical feeling.
Cost
You know I am happy to talk about money, but I don’t want to say my dress cost exactly £xxx as each bespoke dress is different. The fabric, the amount of work that goes into it is individual to each design. Also makers have the right to increase their prices when they see fit, due to a whole variety of reasons. However I will give you a ballpark, and it came in at just over £1k but under £1.5k, it was originally under the four digit mark but lace isn’t cheap. All the dresses I liked from bridal companies, which weren’t even one offs were way over my budget and also not unique to me. How much I spent on my dress, would impact on how much I had to spend on shoes and a bag, I knew if I started adding fancy shoes, factoring in jewellery, a veil and all the other bits and bobs I was going to go way over my budget. I definitely understand how and why brides chose to spend a lot less on the dress. I would’ve tried a vintage one if I knew I’d find one in my size, having something that was a one off to me was high on my priority list. It’s good to make a list like this so you know what yours are, is it cost, is it uniqueness, is it comfort, is it re-wearing it?
In the end my boots were £35 in the sale, finding white ankle boots is a thing I never want to have to do again. Cream ankle boots were ten to a penny, but true white ones were like hen’s teeth. Luckily, after an internet stock check, a call to Office in Manchester, and Liv’s sister in law Lucy being an actual angel buying and sending them to me, I was sorted! And my bag (you don’t need a bag btw, I picked mine up twice if that) was in the sale, I’d had my eye on it for ages and used Shop Style to alert me to when it was reduced. I have since worn it a few times, and know I’ll continue to for years to come.
My earrings my lovely friend Emily made for me, my ring was a vintage one from Cuttings in Margate and underwear wise, because people asked I promise. I wore my trusty old nude bra from Marie Jo I wear all the time and these sexy support pants from M&S…no I didn’t have anything to change into later, except my M&S cotton briefs and if you are having sex on your wedding night after throwing more shapes on the dance floor than I have in at least five years or more, then good luck to you.
I feel like I could write a book on one dress, but fear I need to start wrapping this up, we are nearly at 2500 words. One other question I had is what am I going to do with it now? It needs dry cleaning, I probably should have done that sooner but here we are, if anyone has any recommendations I would love to know. It actually is in a good state, it’s more makeup on the inside if anything. I am going to go back to Caroline this spring and get more volume taken out the skirt, and taken up by a couple of inches, to above the ankle ready to wear to a summer garden party. Please can someone arrange one and then invite me please? Thanking you kindly.
P.S. If there’s anything I have missed out, or you have any more questions about this process please let me know comments below and I’ll answer it asap.
