Life Update

Relaunching the blog is something I’ve wanted to do since the start of the year, but for a number of reasons, it’s fallen down my to-do list several times. However today is the day I draw a line under that, I have blog posts planned for the next quarter, all I have to do is write and share them. Sounds simple right?

Well, not exactly.

I’ve been putting off writing this post for a number of weeks now which sounds really daft, it’s not like anyone asked me to write it, but I definitely felt the urge to tell you what’s happening / where it’s been. 

I am sure I am not the only person who has learnt a lot about themselves over the past year, I’ve had the time (which is a luxury that has not been afforded to everyone) to really examine so many areas of my life. From work to both psychical and mental health, to relationships and how I spend my time. I won’t write an essay about all those things, but I think the main conclusion is that I want to be more intentional with the things I do. And not to sound like an Instagram graphic, but it’s definitely more important how my life feels than it looks, even if it makes no sense to anyone but myself. 

Being freelance has always come with a side of soul searching, call it an occupational hazard, work ebbs and flows and whilst that’s what you know you signed up for, sometimes it can feel extremely scary. As much as you try, often those times work is scarce you feel it’s a reflection of you as a person…and there’s definitely 100s of Instagram graphics about your productivity not reflecting your worth.

Last year, like a lot of people, I pivoted and spent time taking 1:1s with incredible small businesses, working on their social strategy, digital marketing and general business ideas. I absolutely loved doing this, it drew on all my experience from over the years but combined with running my ‘How to Work With Influencers’ course, by the end of it I was so tired. And I know tiredness seems like an everyday complaint, we are all so used to, but this felt like something more. I spent some time getting blood tests, working with a wonderful lady called Le’Nise Brothers and I finally got a PCOS diagnosis that I’d probably needed since my early 20s. We looked at my root causes and it turns out stress was making my symptoms worse, I’ll probably write a blog post all about this, but at the same time I’d also started therapy and the combination was pretty enlightening. 

I don’t even think I know how to put into words how lucky I feel to have had that time and the financial resources, to work with two health professionals to figure out why I was doing things I was doing, and feeling the way I was feeling. This was an ongoing process from around July, and whilst I kept going at work, as soon as my husband secured work in October of last year (he’s also freelance), I knew that was my permission to stop. I don’t think I’ve stopped working since I was 13, ok I’ve not been working full time since then, but I’ve always worked weekends, weekdays when I wasn’t studying. At uni, I had a job and did work experience, as soon as I graduated I got a job straight away, which I am enormously grateful for but honestly I don’t know when I’ve ever come up for breath. The longest time I’ve ever spent not working was maternity leave, which isn’t quite the chill time I think my body and brain needed. 

To cut what is getting to be a very long story, short, whilst I didn’t down tools entirely I did do the bare minimum, a friend described it: I rested on my laurels. I stopped booking all my 1:1s, put my course and a new business idea on ice, didn’t restart the blog, and spent quite a lot of time watching Call the Midwife. A few jobs came in, but mostly I spent time doing not a lot. And reader, guess what, it was exactly what I needed. Whilst I know we are still in a pandemic, which should not be ignored amongst this whole story, I definitely feel like I’m through the other side of it.

It feels odd to be talking about this, as I know so many people have had so many struggles the past year, but one thing I have learnt in therapy is to honour how I am feeling. There are always people who have it worse than you, but that does not negate how I feel, something I have to remind myself of daily. 

As I want to keep this under 1,000 words, I guess even though there are so many blanks above, I’ve shared as much as I think makes sense and most importantly what I feel comfortable with. Word of 2021 is already confirmed as ‘boundaries’ and it’s only March. 

To conclude, I am enormously privileged to have this space, and whilst I was resting my blog stats made me see, whilst often my work may seem frivolous and if it came to the end of the world, you probably wouldn’t be calling me first to ask what to wear, or where you can buy a new tablecloth. There are 1,000s of you visiting here to read these post, we all have our place, and I’m embracing mine, as some kind of millennial, likes pink interiors, does in-depth sofa reviews, midi dress-wearing, content creator. I’ve described myself once as Which meets Good Housekeeping, and until I can find a better explanation I’ll be sticking to that. 

Thank you so much for being here, I’m sure we are already acquainted on Instagram, if you pin come and join me on Pinterest, and if you’re super uncool like me, I’m also on TikTok too (watch that space). The weekly newsletter will be restarting, so sign up for the Monday Motivator here, and you can always get in touch and let me know anything you’d like to see or leave me a comment below.